MEN CAN SAY NO TOO!
“GO OUT THERE AND SOW YOUR WILD OATS, BE A MAN, SMASH AND PASS, IF YOU’RE STILL A VIRGIN AT 16, YOU ARE GAY, BRO’S BEFORE HO’S”- Things others say to pressure guys to have sex.
Q1: IF YOU DON’T HAVE SEX DOES IT MEAN YOU ARE GAY?
A: No, because sexual activity and sexual orientation is NOT the same. Lots of guys whether straight or gay wait to have sex. If you feel confused, talk to a trusted adult and find out where yo can get accurate information. Whether gay or straight, you haven ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO PROVE BY HAVING SEX.
Q2: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MY BODY IS SAYING YES, BUT I WANT TO WAIT?
A: Its normal to have sexual feelings, but you don’t have to act on them. Decide beforehand how far you’re willing to go and stick to it. Think you’re going to explode? Take a cold shower, go to the gym, or for a jog or walk. Get busy and find out healthy and safe outlets. You can also talk to a trusted adult, or call your doctor if you feel like something is wrong.
Q3: WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN MY FRIENDS PRESSURE ME?
A: First of all, real friends will respect you and your decisions, and this is a great reason to think about if your friends are really there for you. Just remember that family and even your father may pressure you. You can try to talk to them, or hang out with people who respect your decisions and remember that friends are choices and you can choose to hang out with them or not. Its okay to walk away. You can also change the subject. Remember that some guys think its macho to brag about sex, chances are they are hiding their own fear. Many guys that brag about having sex are actually NOT having sex as they claim.
Q4: I TRIED TO WALK AWAY, AND TALK ABOUT SOME OF MY REASONS FOR WAITING, BUT I’M STILL GETTING PRESSURED, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A: If a friend says “So are you getting any.” you can say, “Enough to know that its NONE of your business.” If a friend says, “How’s your sex life?” You can say “Better than yours, or you wouldn’t be asking.” If a friend says “What are you, the last virgin on Earth?” You can say ” What are you, the sex police?” And you can ask them why they are concerned so much with your sex life, considering you will NOT be sharing the same partner(s).
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO WAIT: Think about your reasons for waiting. Be clear with yourself so you can be clear with others.
Some great reasons to wait include:
A. You’re worried about contracting a sexually transmitted infection or disease- STI’s, and STD’s including HIV(the virus that causes AIDS)
B. You want to be more knowledgeable about sex before you have it so you don’t put your life in jeopardy just for the fun of it.
C. you’re not ready to be a father, and don’t want to risk a pregnancy. You have goals and that being a father isn’t part of them right now.
D. you want to be in a healthy relationship
WATCH OUT FOR STEREOTYPES AND MYTHS
MYTH #1 real men are always doing it-WRONG
MYTH #2 Ad’s TV and movies make it seem like guys are having sex all the time- DONT BUY INTO IT!!
MYTH #3 Having sex makes you a man- WRONG- You can still be good looking, strong, and popular WITHOUT having sex.
THINGS TO REMEMBER:
1. stay away from drugs and alcohol. Using drugs and alcohol can change the way you act. Even if you mean to say no, if you’re high and drunk you may act differently.
2. If your partner is acting pushy or you think you’ll get dumped, ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship. If a person really cares about you, would they leave you just because you won’t have sex? Is there anything else they like about your besides the physical? And ask yourself if you want a person to love a part of you, or the whole you?
3. show other ways you care besides having sex. Men are often taught to show affection through sex, but there are other ways to be close to someone. talk bout each other’s lives, interests, and the different ways that make you two compatible. You can also hold hands, hug, kiss, and cuddle., but remember to set boundaries on how far you will go so it doesn’t turn into more than you want it to.
4.Talk with your partner about the sexual pressures you both feel and ways to handle them.
AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, REMEMBER TO USE YOUR MIND, NOT YOUR BODY, CHOOSE WISELY!
Resources: sexual pressure survival guide by George and Tara Leonard.